Books: "The Gutfeld Monologues"

The Gutfeld Monologues: Classic Rants From The Five
By Greg Gutfeld
Threshold Editions, hardcover $27.00, available this Tuesday, July 31

Fox News star Greg Gutfeld has covered everything from crazed academics, to unhinged celebrities, to the wildest election in recent history on his shows The Five, which airs weekday afternoons, and The Greg Gutfeld Show on the weekend.

Gutfeld is known for delivering sharp, hilarious monologues, and he has put together his favorites in this funny, unorthodox collection, The Gutfeld Monologues.


Gutfeld, a New York Times bestselling author, says, “Wherever I go, I am hit repeatedly by the same question: where can I read your monologues? It should be easy to find these little nuggets of knowledge” - well, now it is.

This is not your typical anthology, as the book is scored throughout with marginal edits, scratch-outs, 20/20 hindsight, and up-to-the-minute commentary on what he got wrong.

With his signature humor, wit, and insight, Greg explains it all in this memorable collection about some of our country’s most crucial—and not so crucial—modern moments.

Fox News Tucker Carlson says, "I've watched every one of Gutfeld's monologues live, and I still can't wait to read them. They're that good."

Dr. Drew Pinsky, who has been a guest on The Greg Gutfeld Show, said, "The Gutfeld Monologues are a breathtaking survey of the work of a great political satirist, except when they suck."

Walter Kirn, New York Times bestselling author of Up in the Air, who has also been a guest on The Greg Gutfeld Show, said, "If Mark Twain were alive today, he would be the oldest man in the world - but he would also be, I'm convinced, a Gutfeld fan."

Here, Gutfeld writes about the larger meaning of Donald Trump's victory in the 2016 presidential election:

"Donald Trump’s election was made possible by the willing disregard for the basic but important concerns of Americans.

"And the points that I hit home from that corner seat in studio D (and later, studio F) were all the kinds of things Trump understood completely—which some of the other candidates gave a passing glance, or didn’t hit hard enough. Stuff like terror, police, borders—these were issues that fell under the vision of “a return to law and order,” and it was that vision Trump embraced and espoused like a Fox News guest host in waiting (a cross between Lou Dobbs and a Creamsicle). It was that vision that made it easy for voters to overlook his numerous flaws. As long as he was big on the big stuff, you forgave him the small stuff.

"It also helped that he never claimed to be a role model. In fact, I think at some point he actually said, “I’m not a role model.” Which gave him immunity when Playmates started appearing like Ghosts of Hotel Rooms Past, after he had already become president. Who cared at that point? He won. And he’s a cad. Call me when you have something that might shock me (Trump sleeping with a porn star is as shocking as Mike Pence not sleeping with a porn star). Little-known fact: In New York City, it’s actually against the law if a billionaire doesn’t sleep with a porn star.

"Law and order: the explanation for Trump’s win. I know, I know—he’s the “drain the swamp” guy! Well, not really. He was first and foremost the 'aren’t our cops the greatest' guy, followed by the 
'let’s kill the terrorists and their families' guy, and of course, the very sloppy 'send those rapists and murderers back' guy.

"The biggest appeal of his candidacy—a return to appreciating law and order—played on three different levels.
• It delivered on the aspirations of a population who want a safer environment for their kids and their kids’ kids.
• It echoed the fear that the country was headed in a direction of divisiveness and soon lawlessness, then anarchy. Fear always works, especially if there’s a truth to it (and there still is).
• It delivered on a memory of the past—when you felt safer (even if you might not have been). And as a bonus, all the cops and soldiers voted for him—which is always a clue about something vital that the chattering chuckleheads on CNN are missing.

"These concerns were all but ignored by, and often mocked by, the media, liberal politicians, and their enablers in entertainment and academia. And it was the marginalization of such concerns by these groups that made the concerns grow larger. They were driven by these things:

"A previous (but at the time current) president’s weird aloofness over radical Islam (or was it aloof weirdness?—you be the judge, and get back to me).

"The media’s obsessive condemnation of law enforcement—an incident of brutality was no longer portrayed as a bug in the system, but as the system itself.

"An academic elite and coddled, shrill activists perpetuating the 'oppressor vs. oppressed' bunk at every opportunity.

"An entertainment industry that harassed its dwindling audience by portraying anyone who wasn’t a liberal as a bigot.

"Inside this ideological bubble (which Trump helped burst), the media trampled around—happily unaware that its ideas were wearing out their welcome, like a hospital visit from Joy Behar. No one was buying their bullshit anymore—it just needed a loud voice to say so. I was saying it every day on The Five—but I wasn’t running for president (that’s for 2024, folks . . . and not the U.S. I’m thinking seriously about Vanuatu. Those folks really get me).

"In nearly every instance, our country is at fault for everything bad that actually happens to our country. For example, when our cops got shot in Dallas, the media did its due genuflection, but always steered the story back to an intolerant police state that contributed to the shooting. Sure, illegal immigration is bad—but that’s our fault for demanding a border and being so mean to Dreamers. North Korea says it wants to blow us to bits? Well, that’s our fault for calling their leader a silly (but highly sticky) name.

"This is a pattern—open your eyes and you’ll see it: Instead of calling out all forms of evil (from terrorists to violent felons), we use our past sins to absolve them of everything wrong they have done.

"Over time this malignant idea expanded and bloated (like Harvey Weinstein in his Caverject period), casting a shadow over our country—just waiting for someone to come along and pop it. Like it or not, the guy with the pin was Trump."

This book is perfect for fans of Fox News, The Five, and Gutfeld, and for anyone who wants to read the thoughts of one of the most common-sense commentators around.